I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
