Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
