Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
