you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Damn victory sex feels great
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
