Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
