My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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