Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
