So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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