I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
