I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
