You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
