And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
