just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
