The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I could fuck to npr.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
