He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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