she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
