Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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