You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
