if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
