im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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