Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
