Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
