I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
operation have a gay friend backfired
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
