Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
