Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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