I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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