ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
