You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
