My friends, they love my intelligence
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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