He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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