I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
