I think I died a long time ago.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
