thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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