dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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