There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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