btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
