i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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