Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
