it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
