I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
