Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
