My friends, they love my intelligence
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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