His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
