my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
