My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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