God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
