I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
