Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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