dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So much rum. So many feels.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
