if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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