New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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