How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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