I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
