so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
