Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
