dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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