I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
