Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
