Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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