Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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