My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
