alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
