I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
no you cant smoke seaweed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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